That’s not me, I don’t smoke, don’t have a tattoo, don’t look like Kosher Rambo, and don’t live in Tel Aviv… I just like the picture.
The problem of being a copywriter is that you can’t work anywhere you want, you have to work where there is work to be found, which is why tomorrow I leave the great State of Tennessee for Boca Raton, FL. Many of my friends are happy I’ve gotten a job in South Florida, some even wish they could join me. There’s one from a small town 1.5 hours away from Chattanooga who’s always complaining that his town is boring, that there’s nothing to do, he’s never lived anywhere and craves the excitement of the big city, or even Boca Raton which is 45 minutes away.
While Florida is a pro-gun State (except for open carry), I think a reality check is in order.
Women: The #1 thing everyone thinks about Florida is that the women are very pretty. At least that’s what my buddy Dan tells me, but here’s the reality. Florida women have an attitude, specially the model-types that treat you like a free drink machine while not putting out. The hottest bars in South Beach and West Palm demand that you “dress to impress” and won’t let you in unless you’re bringing women with you. The drinks are also expensive. Luckily for Dan, there are plenty of Asian Massage Parlors and escorts.
Rents: Unless you want to live in the ghetto or get a roommate, be prepared to pay at least $800 to $1,200 for a decent place. We’re not talking luxury, just a clean place without a cockroach infestation. Florida is famous for high rents, high mortgages, and low salaries. While I’m glad I’ll be making $57,000 a year, I’m not happy that my rent will go up from $450 to $1000, perhaps $1,300 depending on what I find in Boca. When I lived in South Beach 4-years ago, my rent for a STUDIO was $1,250, that includes $250 a month for parking. A roach-infested South Beach hellhole might cost you $900.
Rain: The so-called “sunshine state” gets a lot of rain, Las Vegas gets 300 days of sunshine, Miami only XXX. Even makers of solar panels admit Florida is not the best State for their devices. Keep in mind that when it rains, it’s not a light drizzle, it’s Noah’s Ark type of rain, hard and fast. Sometimes it rains more than once the same day.
Traffic: Online I’ve located a place that’s 2-miles away from work, that’s important because Florida is overcrowded. Here in Chattanooga traffic is 30-minutes during Rush hour, there it can take you an hour, maybe more, depending on where you’re coming from. Sometimes you’re not even on the highway and it takes forever to get anywhere because they have some road construction going on. Biscayne Blvd in Miami had a project that took 3-years of a four-lane road that became two-lanes.
History: St. Augustine may be oldest city in Florida, but other than that, you won’t find Victorian mansions, old jails turned museums, and all those charming things you see in places like Savannah, Charleston, New Orleans, and other cities outside of Florida. I don’t think they have civil war battlefields either.
Culture: If you want something more substantial than the Ultra Music Festival, you’ll find theater, symphonies, art museums, so the people who complain Florida has no culture don’t know what they’re talking about. The food is also great, from all over the world in some parts.
People: It’s not easy to write about people because they obviously come in many varieties, I’d say there’s no such thing as southern hospitality in South Florida, you’re not gonna become friends with the guy who makes your subway at Subway, or the one who sells you lottery tickets at the gas station. South Florida is a multicultural mess, and native Floridians are hard to describe, bunch of beach-loving shopaholics if you ask me, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Guns: I’m proud to report that gun ranges have gotten better, some are luxurious, some rent fully-automatic weapons, a concealed carry is relatively easy to get, and cities are not allowed to pass legislation that is more gun-restrictive than State law (they have tried, but failed). Florida’s gun future remains unclear since South Florida keeps filling up with people that come from anti-gun cultures, will they be a larger voting block than the rest of Florida in the future? Who knows?
Work: This isn’t my first time working in Florida, which is why I know a lot about the State and the working conditions. Every boss has the attitude that because you’re “living in paradise,” salary is not important, and while wearing suits and ties is rare, it’s unlikely you’ll be working in shorts and flip flops unless you’re a lifeguard. There is a yuppie class, but you need to make at least $90,000 a year to join them. Living the way they live may cost you extra, although I suppose some have plenty of credit card debt to pay for the pretense.
Overall, I recognize that South Florida can be paradise for some, even if finding fair skin beauties is hard and when you do find them, they already have someone. I’m taking this job because being a Senior Copywriter is a promotion from what I was doing before, which was freelancing. I will miss Chattanooga, having four seasons, the beauty of the area and the friendly people I’ve met along the way. Maybe 4-years from now you’ll find me working in Sioux Falls, Birmingham, Grand Rapids, or anywhere than Florida. The good thing about this job is that sometimes I get to live in interesting places. Worst comes to worse, I’ll just save my money so I can continue to see the rest of America.
Regards,
Gregory Smith