Vanity Fair is upset with My Parents Open Carry

Liberals like to control 100% of the culture, including children’s books. My Parents Open Carry has created a lot of butthurt. Which is Vanity Fair has given us a list 9 conservative books that should be written:

 

If You Give a Moocher a Muffin

. . . He’ll want health insurance and also a bridge to replace the one that collapsed out on the Interstate. Humorous situations reveal the slippery, not-so-humorous slope to collectivism.

The Cat in the Tri-Corner Hat Comes Back

While Mom is out shopping, the Cat swings by for another pro-Constitution rally in Sally and her brother’s living room. As the Cat explains to their panicky, liberal pet fish, “It is fun to have fun, but it is better still to uphold the 10th Amendment’s restrictions on federal power!”

The Little Golden Book of Gold

Grampa gives Suzie a shiny, pretty Krugerrand so she can survive the coming financial apocalypse. And you can too: call 1-800-GOLDLINE now! (Based on the 2011 glennbeck.com article Grampa linked to on Facebook.)

Ayn of Green Gables

In turn-of-the-last-century Prince Edward Island, a bossy, didactic orphan finds an unexpected home for her philosophy of self-interest.

The Very Hungry Departments of Education, Transportation, and Energy

A cadre of Washington bureaucrats eats its way through job creators’ earnings, only to emerge on the last page as—surprise!—Soviet-era Rumania.

Heather Has Eight Mommies

Tolerance, acceptance, and religious freedom are the watchwords in this story of about a traditional Mormon family.

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Exxon

A growing corporation realizes it has feelings too—and God and the Supreme Court are listening.

Ramon the Pest

Five-year-old Ramon is confused. He keeps crossing the border into the United States—but his real home is in Guatemala. Silly Ramon! Criminal White House immigration policy!

Are You Obama’s Mother?

A baby bird defies powerful political interests—and “lamestream” media complacency—to go looking for hard answers in East Africa.
Source: http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2014/08/conservative-book-ideas

Frankly, I wouldn’t mind buying any of those books for my nephews, so in the spirit of bipartisanship, here’s my list of 9 Liberal Books that should not be written:

The Auschwitz Diet
Why kids who eat sweats deserve diet and exercise in the ultimate gun-free zone

God is Dead. Obama is God.
Why the first black president is never wrong and why you’re a racist for questioning his greatness

It’s Always Bush’s Fault
Teach your kids to never accept responsibility for their actions. Bad grades? Theft? Cheating? Not to worry, juts blame Bush.

99% Problems and the 1% Solution
Money is evil but we all want money so we should take it from the 1%

Spread the Grades
Worried about low SAT scores? By sharing the success of the few with the mediocrity of the many we create a happy world of C-students.

Good Cracker/Bad Cracker
You can’t change the color of your skin no matter how many times you visit the tanning salon, but you can learn to be a good crackers who judges people by the color of their skin. Black is good, white is bad unless he votes for Obama, and even then he’s not good enough because he benefits from white privilege.

Happy with Hamas
See the tunnels of love and missiles of goodness your favorite Palestinians are launching at the Zionist entity. Learn why it’s OK to hit others while demanding they don’t hit you back.

Gender Identity Jamboree
6-year-old Peter has decided he no longer wants to be a boy, 7-year-old Mary wants to pee like a boy, and 8-year-old Brian wants to be a boyfriend. See the wacky world where children’s wishes rule their parents.

The Vagina Revolution
First there was the monologues, then the penis responded, now the war on women has been won.